Oakie Doesn’t Do Much

Whoopsie Daisies! I did it again. I barfed. In the middle of the night. Waiting up mommy. And since I puked a couple nights ago, the rug was hanging to dry, so I threw up directly on the carpet. It was really gross and dark brown! I think mommy was mad at me because she leaped out of the bed and turned on the lights and wiped it up as fast as she could. I had no idea she could move that fast at 4am! Way to go, mommy! But she didn’t smile at me while she was cleaning 🙁 oops, sorry I didn’t take a couple steps back and barf on the floor towels (towels mommy put on the carpet just for me because I like to wipe my face on them like they’re big ol’ napkins). Well, hopefully I won’t be throwing up anymore. Mama returned the food she just bought me and replaced it with the more expensive stuff that I like. I’m high maintenance. I’m allergic to cheap dog food! I’m a king! Yay!

Kisses,
Oakie

I hate it when mom spends too much time on the computer. Sometimes I’ll sit next to her and whine and cry. To shut me up, she will put her hand down on my head and pet me, but that’s all I’ll get, and she goes back to ignoring me and giving the computer all her attention. Well, I’ve had enough! Now if she tries to pet my head, I dodge it as fast as I can. It’s like I’m playing hot potato with her hand.. my head is the potato, trying to avoid her hand and her meaningless petting! Sometimes she won’t even look at me, she’ll put her hand out and try to feel for my head, but I avoid it like the bubonic plague. I don’t want her to just pet my head, I want her to get off the computer and play with me! What’s a dog gotta do for some attention around here? Turn into a computer? Sheesh!

I’m outta here!
Oakie

Yippee Kai Yay! I watched Lost today with mom! I got to see Jacob and The Man in Black as babies! TWIN babies! Aww so cute! I love babies! And then The Man in Black turned into smoke and died! Aww I hate dying! But the worst part was the MiB killing his mama! Wha WHAT?! Who would ever do such an evil deed?!?! Oh, right, I almost killed my mama when I tripped her down the stairs, but it wasn’t on purpose! I love you, mama! Then after the show, we went out for my poo, and I usually poo in silence, but today I made a wet bean fart squirt when I pooped. It made mom laugh. But I didn’t laugh. I just looked at her, wondering why she giggled at my fart.

xx,
Oakie

I barfed last night and woke mom up in the process! Good thing I barfed on the rug instead of the carpet though, ’cause my vomit was super orangy brown. Ew! But bad that I barfed on the only white part of the rug! Hehe. I wasn’t even aiming for it! Oops, oh well. Now there is a yellow spot in the white area of the rug. I guess if I moved a little to the right I would have thrown up on the black area of the rug, but that’s no fun. Mom likes to spend hours getting a stain out anyway! It’s like my gift to her!

Love you, mom!
Oakie

Howdy! I’m getting a little better at my trick! Now instead of swinging my head away, I hold it somewhat still with my mom’s help. But once she takes away her hand, I move my head and the bone falls! I can’t help it, I just want to eat it nom nom nom! But then again, mom took a ton of photos of the bone on my nose, so after 20 shots, I got a little tired and wanted to just lay my head down. I’m much better with balancing a little treat on my nose, really I am!

xx,
Oakie

I don’t like people touching my paws. I don’t know why, but it just freaks me out! Though, I’m a little used to mama grabbing my paws. She likes to torment me like that. She wipes my paws after every walk and every time I go out to poo. I will wait patiently at the door on the doormat for her to come back and wipe each paw clean. Sometimes when it’s raining outside, she has to wipe them three times! Torture!! But I don’t cry or whine about it. I sit quietly and obediently because I’m a good boy. I even let her step on my paws in the morning. And by step on I mean she taps my paws with her toes. She would never totally step on my paws.. she would crush me! She’s like, over 100 pounds! Fatty!!!

xx,
Oakie

My nose is always runny. I don’t know if it’s allergies or if I just have a leaky nose, but it is always dripping! It is impossible for me to lie on my back for a long period of time because the snot just builds up and drowns me, so if I ever am on my back for too long, I turn over and violently sneeze and I spray my snot on everything! It’s pretty gross. I can see it glistening on the floor and on the shelves and on the couch and on my mom’s feet. She always yells OAKIE! GROSSSS! but I can’t help it if she’s the one carrying me like a baby! She knows the snot is rolling back into my throat when she carries me like that! All I can do is sneeze it all out onto her face. I also sneeze multiple times when I am super excited and when I am really angry at mom. Sneezing is, like, kinda my thing I guess. I guess that’s better than farting. Oh wait, I do that, too.

Today is .. yep you guessed it.. LOST Tuesday! I sat on mama’s lap the entire hour, and we watched it together. Though I have to admit I didn’t sit completely still or watch the entire show. I took a short nap, and I whined a little bit when I needed to stretch my legs, and I also spent a few minutes staring at mom’s beautiful face. But I did pay attention to the end.. sadly, I wish I took my nap then. RIP Jin & Sun! 🙁 (not to forget Zombie Sayid)

xx,
Oakie

Summer’s coming, and I can feel the heat and the mosquitoes! They bite my belly, my legs, and my butt and it totally itches! It makes me look like I have fleas, but they’re not fleas. Well, good thing about that is when mom combs through my hair looking for fleas, that kinda feels good and massage-y. But I am scratching myself through the night, and it’s keeping me (and mom) up! I wish there was some sort of mosquito blocker for dogs. My butt is itchy!

xx,
Oakie

Whenever I hear my mom’s cell go off (especially when it’s on vibrate) I get really antsy and I start to whine and cry and I turn into a big baby. In the past when it would go off, it meant mom was leaving to go out.. meaning she was leaving me behind and at home alone. I hated that. When I heard the cell go off, even if I was sleeping, I would jump up and run to the door and guard it so mom couldn’t escape. And then I’d cry cry cry. She goes out less now. Probably because she is old, but that’s cool with me. When she gets a call or text, the old memories pop up and I start to cry all over again even if she doesn’t walk anywhere near the door. I guess old habits die hard. Who knew the sound of a cell phone going off would make me panic this much?? 🙁

Love,
Oakie