Oakie Doesn’t Do Much

I like this new photo of me. I look so little in this huge house. Not that I am big otherwise. Nope, I’m not fat. I’m not big-boned. I am a thin, nicely toned, hot piece of pooch! Ladies, I’m single! (But I’m missing some huevos, courtesy of my mom. Thanks a lot, ma).

xx,
Oakie

Ugh! I got tired of mom’s photo shoot of me, so I just got up and moved. She takes so long with the pictures! I don’t have all day to just sit there! I have other things to do, like sleep and eat Snausages. I’m going to start charging her for these photos. Snausage currency is an acceptable for of payment. My time is precious.

xx,
Oakie

Ma finally took some new photos of me, except I think she was focusing more on my mini me. And how rude of her to take the photo at that angle.. it makes my butt look so big! I’m really not that fat! Gaw!

xx,
Oakie

Here I am again in my stupid getup. You can actually see my face in this one. Don’t you see the disdain and miserablenessness in my facial expression? I hate this thing! Ma loves it though. She took like a million thousand photos of me in it. That is just a million thousand pieces of evidence of me in a pansy outfit! OMG! Ma! Talk to the paw ’cause the face don’t want to!

xx,
Oakie

I think I’ve posted the photo already, but I love it so much I must post it again. This is how much I hate dressing up. Ma likes to put me in stupid clothes. Doesn’t she know it decreases my manhood? I already have to live with being a part poodle dog with poofy curly hair. And my bark. Have you heard my bark? I sound like a screaming woman. It’s humiliating! Take this dang thing off my head!

xx,
Oakie

Ma gave me a Milkbone, but I wasn’t hungry, so I just grabbed it with my mouth and let it hang. But not before I tried to dig up some carpet and bury it. Turns out, you can’t really dug up carpet, so I instead tried to dig a hole in the leather couch. That didn’t work either, so I tried to dig a hole in the wood floors. Nope. So then I just ate the Milkbone. Boooring.

xx,
Oakie

Uh, ma? When are you going to check your luggage? I am getting tired of sitting in here. I need to poop!

xx,
Oakie

I am camera shy sometimes. I don’t want my photo taken all the time. Sometimes I have bad hair days, too! So when mom takes out the camera, I turn and hide my head. It’s all good, I have a cute butt.

xx,
Oakie

I have a long tongue. I like to sniff myself. I especially like to sniff my privates. And I use my long tongue to lick my privates, too. It is so delicious. After I like my butt, I like to kiss mom. She’ll never know…

xx,
Oakie

I am bowl-legged. My front legs look like they were broken and then healed badly. When I stand, my legs jut out to the sides. Sometimes when I bend one leg, it looks like I am standing like a super model. Maybe it’s ’cause I AM a supermodel! I am so very pretty. I like to cross my legs like a pretty model when I sit!

xx,
Oakie