I'm going to rub my dirty face on the floor any second now.

Dear Diary,
I am going to stop counting how many days mom has been gone on vacation ’cause it is driving me bonkers! I should just pretend I am on vacation from mom. Yay! That means I can jump on her bed, rub my face and mouth all over the carpet, drag my stinky butt across the floor, and puke everywhere! Hooray! Oakie vacation time!!

xx,
Oakie